Emeriti Exile: 338-348 CE

Emeriti Exile: 338-348 CE
Exile: 338-348 CE, Thassos, Greece

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Glossary of Key Emeriti Terms

SAD: Society for Academic Dis-Appointments, members of which are “Disappointees.”
G-4 LC: (G-4 Leadership Council)
ASPCRP: American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Retired Professors
FART: Foundation for the Advancement of Retired Professors  (The action agency of SAD)
CADSBAC™: Cedar sawdust eating bacteria developed at BHI in collaboration with the Center for Advanced Disintegration Studies to convert sawdust into ethanol for fuel, or glucose to flavor “Emeriti Chewing Gum.”
ADI: (American Disenlightenment Institute) Think-tank dedicated to propagating strategic Disenlightenment.
BHI: Broad Hill Institute that hosts the Center for Advanced Agricultural Research and Solar Technology.
BHI Citrulline Tabs™: Freeze-dried watermelon balls as an alternative to Viagra.
BHI Sure Wilt™: Ointment to treat FHE condition after Citrulline overdose.
BHI Current Fabric Coveralls™: Solar collector cloth that powers tools by the seat of one’s pants.
Bulger Prize: Award for outstanding promotion of the Emeriti, “Pension Enlargement Program.” PEP™
Cedar Sawdust: (See BHI) also: Cedar Sawdust Mites and XE-80.
Center for Advanced Disintegration Studies (CADS): Dark Matter Lab Directed by Brother MacDougall.
Deductee: Distinguished Emeriti nominated to the Emeriti Hall of Infamy (One about to be Deducted into the Hall of Infamy as a Deduction Ceremony participant, and a certified ILL degree recipient).
Dark Knowledge: Curriculum of the Institute of Lower Learning.
Dark Matter Transfer Station: Dark Energy Household Trash Disposal Unit utilizing a private “Black Hole.”
Dimnology: A special area of inquiry within Disintegration Science.
Disenlightenment: Goal of full Emeritication achieved by employing strategic protocols of the Emeriti.
Disintegration Studies: Area of study invented by Director MacDougall that harnesses Dark Energy.
Delighted Unlearning: Method of Disenlightenment; a branch of Dimnology (Used to save money at ILL).
Demusement: The ritual ridding of the Muse, so that others may be free to create.
Dementoring: Process of becoming a non-mentor.
Demiseration: The opposite of commiseration, required of all Emeriti who seek divestiture of miserating irritants. Syn. depitification
Demotivational Seminars: A special Emeriti mission to encourage Superannuation, led by Director Gross.
ELLI (Emeriti Legislative Lobbying Initiative) Group dedicated to Emeriti Pension Enlargement
Emeriti Farmaceuticals: BHI Vegetables imbued with healing bio-chemicals and anti-viral agents.
Emeriti Cliff Notes™: Red leather bound Cliff Notes of classic literature in a fraction of the shelf space.
Emeriti Hall of Infamy: Ultimate honor bestowed on esteemed Emeriti who have achieved Full Emeritication.
Emeriti Institute of Lower Learning (ILL): Directed by Chancellor Davis, required degree for EHI Deductees
ERA: Emeriti Rating Agency, where, “facts are an independent variable.”
FADI: Senior Fellow at ADI honorific suffix.
Hamsterization: Production of electrical power from treadmill technology (Developed at CADS).
Harvard Street Center for Advanced Emeritical Studies and Home for Fallen Fellows (Specializing in Gin Detoxification). Official New England Center of the Emeriti Order, supplanting the Newman Center for Advanced Studies and housing the Newman Fellows Library featuring, “Table 13” (retired upon the superannuation of E. Bruce MacDougall).
Obscuranti: Organization embodying the ultimate goal of Full Emeritication.
OK Spam: (Organic Kosher Spam) Made from grass fed beef, sea salt and ancient herbs and spices.
OIE: Office of Inane E-mails.
Max Planck Society: Provided the framework for the creation of Disintegration Science and Dimnology.
Emeriti Brothers Pit Stop: Natural deodorant for treating Dementia, BO and ED with combined ingredients.