Emeriti Exile: 338-348 CE

Emeriti Exile: 338-348 CE
Exile: 338-348 CE, Thassos, Greece

Friday, March 29, 2013

41: Aaron Rockchild's Roots

Mason's Bench Stone in Aaron Rockchild's Zurich Garden
 "Kingsbridge, England 1174-- Dr. Webb tracked the group of Emeriti who migrated west from Thassos and entered the fictional 12th Century town of Kingsbridge in Ken Follet's novel, Pillars of the Earth. After studying the Emeriti Archives it appeared that Aaron Rockchild may in fact be a descendant of Merthin, (an architect and builder in the sequel novel, World Without End, and a descendant of Jack Builder and Lady Aliena, his forbearers in 'Pillars).  His family roots may account for his affinity for stones and stone masonry as evidenced by the large stone in his garden.

Wells Cathedral, a model for Follet's Kingsbridge Cathedral
The primary Emeriti goal was to establish pensions for scholars and it is speculated that sums of money were given to the King to help finance both Cambridge and Oxford, thus setting into motion a means to achieve their goal. Sara was fascinated by such a novel family history, which might explain how Aaron, who attended public school, was allowed to enter Cambridge to study Social History and Mathematics............"

Source: Emeriti Archives and Wikipedia Commons (images).

Excerpt from Chapter 4: The Brotherhood of the Emeriti and the Fifth Element, EPI ©2013

Thursday, March 28, 2013

40: Wireless Karma Router

BHI Lab Modifies Wireless Router to Enable Karma Transmissions
Modified High Speed Router (Wikipedia Commons)

LEVERETT-- The BHI Center for Advanced Communication Research™ has designed a proprietary circuit board that enables high speed wireless transmission of Good Karma.  The BHI Wireless Karma Router™ advances Noetic Science by allowing Karmic transmissions over the internet, thus obviating the need to embed capital letters and strange emoticons into standard emails.

Recent demonstration transmissions between New England and Nova Scotia have substantiated the underlying science and have produced favorable outcomes to date. According to BHI Director, Dr. Davis, "Testing is needed to further substantiate efficacy of the new protocol, which consists of executing a Hora dance around a Wireless Karma Router™ while chanting a proprietary case sensitive Mantra.  Testing will continue in the coming months and a summary paper will be published in PHIALA INANIS, the official science journal of the Emeriti Order.  Case specific Mantras and Hora Dance Step Diagrams will accompany each BHI Wireless Karma Router™.

Source: BHI Manual of Karmic Fiber Optics, EPI, © 2012

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

39: BHI Cedar Sawdust Cookies™

High Fiber Cedar Sawdust Cookies With BHI Anti-Microbial Farmaceuticals™
Cedar Sawdust High Fiber Cookies with Juniper Berry Oils
LEVERETT-- BHI Farmaceuticals™ has developed a Cedar Sawdust Cookie™ that provides a healthy dose of fiber to sustain lower GI tract health along with benefits of Anti-Oxidant and Anti-Fungal properties obtained from combining prescription grade BHI Juniper Berry Farmaceutical Oils™.  The extracted flavinoid anti-oxidants produce anti-fungal effects and exhibit "good activity against Candida albicans and Staphylococcus aureus."
Fresh BHI Farmaceuticals™ High Potency Juniper Berries

Solar Green Gin™ Ethanol is employed to extract oil from BHI Farmaceutical Farms™ Juniper berries, due to the Cookie Lab's proximity to the Green Gin Distillery™.  The ethanol residue proved non-toxic to test mice, and Lab workers reported no ill effects during daily 5 PM focus group sessions.  Daily consumption of BHI Cedar Sawdust Cookies™ provides sufficient non-soluable fiber to maintain regularity, and serves to resist bronchitis, colds, fungal infections, hemorrhoids and termites.

Note to Retraction Watch: BHI findings are Pre-Retracted to conserve time and effort.
Side Effects: May cause slurred speech. Results may vary.  Talk to your Doctor and close friends.

Sources: Emeritipedia, Wikipedia Commons, Live Strong Foundation, and Secrets of the Juniper Berry, EPI ©2009

A Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

38: BHI Petrified Sawdust Stones

BHI Alchemists Convert Sawdust Into Petrified Building Stones
Typical Cedar Sawdust Delivery at the BHI Sawdust Pile
The Garden Raised Beds™ operation in Chatham delivers an enormous amount of white cedar sawdust directly to the BHI Sawdust Recycling Center in Leverett.  Although the BHI Cellulosic Biofuels™Lab uses large quantities, the sawdust continues to accumulate.  BHI Alchemists viewed the Cedar Sawdust pile as an opportunity to transmute sawdust into building stone that resembles native Goshen Stone (mica schist), by employing a proprietary petrification process.
BHI Petrified Cedar Sawdust Stone Resembling Mica Schist

BHI Sawdust Schist™
BHI Alchemists employed mineralized water, sodium silicate and a diluted acid to transform sawdust particles into a stone like substance by compressing the mixture into various stone form trays. The results yielded a building product that resembles mica schist as indicated in the test wall photo. Now, instead of waiting 400 million years for new stone, wall builders can call the Leverett BHI Sawdust Schist™ fulfillment  center.

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Monday, March 25, 2013

37: AM/PM Solar Farms

Solar Dairy Farm: Milk in the Morning, Electrons at Night
Typical Single Purpose Dairy Farms Found Around the World (Wikipedia)

LEVERETT-- BHI Center for Advanced Agricultural Research and Applied Solar Technology has developed a prototypical AM/PM Solar Dairy Farm™ that has successfully combined the production of milk and charged lithium batteries for urban and suburban market applications.

Solar Collectors Share the Meadows
Solar Collectors have been installed in peripheral meadows at the BHI Dairy Farm Test Fields and the understory grasses are maintained by the BHI Goat Herd.  The Goat milk is used to craft Genuine New England Feta Cheese, which is delivered along with AM Milk orders using a fleet of BHI Hydrogen Fuel Cell powered delivery vans.

AM Milk Delivered in Handy Crate from HBS Direct/UK.
Fresh Milk Delivered in the AM
Iced Bottles of fresh BHI Solar Farms Milk™ are delivered daily in the early AM, thus reviving a time honored tradition of home delivery.  Products include Milk, Cream, Sour Cream, Yogurt, and Cheeses made from both Cow and Goat Milk.  Fresh Strawberries are included as a special bonus in early June.

Solar Panels Charge Batteries
While Dairy Cattle graze all day to produce milk, Solar Panels charge Lithium Batteries for PM delivery in exchange for empty milk bottles.  Excess electricity is used to power the BHI Solar Green Gin Distillery.

Charged Lithium Battery Pack Ready for PM Delivery

PM Power for Solar Homes
24 to 60 Volt Battery Packs are available. Special arrangements may be made to tow away Electric Cars for charging for an extra nominal fee.  The car is delivered the next day in the early AM along with the dairy order.  For homes not equipped with Super Firefly Panels™, BHI combines the power of Photosynthesis and Photovoltaic processes to provide protein for our bodies and electrons for our appliances and electronic paraphernalia in one integrated operation that serves as a model of enlightened Disenlightenment.

Products of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Friday, March 22, 2013

36: Staff Meeting PTSD

Staff Saver™ Helmets
Model PH-A: Light Duty Retreat Hat

The BHI Neurotrauma Science Lab has designed and tested protective Staff Saver™ Helmets to guard against inadvertent self-inflicted neural insult trauma resulting from palm to forehead collisions when people say silly things in staff meetings.
PH-A Staff Saver™ I Model: provides gentle inconspicuous protection during program retreats typically set in casual surroundings.  The brim prevents forehead contact with tables and walls, while interior padding lessens shock trauma. Blue, Dark Green, Black, and Putty: $150 each.
Model PH-B: Medium Duty
Curriculum Review Meetings

PH-B Staff Saver™ II Model: provides a higher degree of protection required of Curriculum meetings or reappointment reviews.  The Uni-sex design features a discreet brim that guards against table, wall or palm impacts and is equipped with air vents for comfort.  It incorporates significant frontal lobe protection. Navy/Black and Black/Tan: $250 each.

Scientists at the BHI Neurotrauma Science Testing Lab assess multi-positional blunt force outcomes to ensure proper protection for all Staff Saver™ products, at various levels of force.  All Staff Saver™helmets have been field-tested and provide a 10-year warranty.  (Does not apply to the untenured).

Model PH-D: Maximum Duty for
University Reorganization Meetings
PH-D Staff Saver™ Max III Model: provides maximum protection required for rigorous reactionary academic meetings that typically push participants to numerous mind numbing brinks.  This exceptional helmet is equipped with its own oxygen supply and features surround sound speakers and an iPod connection port.  The helmet affords maximum protection from both self-inflicted and externally inflicted compressive insults that might prove damaging to the cerebral cortex.  Unisex Black (for evening wear): $1,850 each.

Products of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Thursday, March 21, 2013

35: Masons of Kingsbridge

Sara Tracks Aaron's Emeriti Roots: The 12th Century Stone Masons of Kingsbridge England
Rock Transformation: From Stone to a Wall for the Ages
"The stonemasons were about to begin their mid-day break, leaving their tools amongst the flat split wall stones.  Aaron had been watching the stonemasons work while waiting for Dr. Webb to arrive for a luncheon meeting in the outdoor restaurant next door.  He remembered that as a child, he would watch intently as stonemasons manipulated rock piles to select the best stones for fitting into a wall they were building and today was no different.  He had been finding excuses to frequently check on the construction progress of a new children’s park along the eastern edge of Lake Zurich.  Sara was completing her review of Emeriti records at the International Headquarters and requested this meeting to discuss additional findings.  Although he served as Chief Archivist at the International Headquarters, he was haunted by his fascination with stone and the work of stone masons.

Sara finally arrived and apologized for being tardy, but before he could say a word, she asked, "Aaron, do you know the origin of the Rockchild name?"  (See "Living Among the Elements" Post)

Excerpt from The Brotherhood of the Emeriti and the Fifth Element, EPI ©2013

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

34: Emeriti Equinox Rites

Vernal Equinox: The start of warmer and longer days.
Photo Credit: James Jordan / Foter.com / CC BY-ND
Prelude To A Well Balanced Vernal Equinox Ritual Meal
Photo: Encyclopedia.com

 The Vernal Equinox remains one of the two most significant Astronomical events in the Emeriti Calendar; the other being the Big Bang.  The Vernal Equinox is held in higher esteem than the Autumnal Equinox because it begins the season of longer days and solar warmth.  The Emeriti reasoned, “Why would one enthusiastically toast the advent of shorter days leading to another dark winter of discontent and frostbite?” During their 10-year exile on Thassos (338-348 CE), the Emeriti made burnt offerings and balanced eggs on the Equinox.  They believed in eating burnt toast as part of a well-balanced meal to mark this special occasion.  To this day, children around the world continue the rite of balancing eggs on the Equinox in the manner of the Emeriti.  The Big Bang is toasted on April 1st to mark the moment when the Big Bang got things moving and the Universe cooled down from 10,000 million degrees to a more manageable 1000 million degrees immediately after the magic moment when time as we know it, began.

A Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

33: Science Imitates Art

BHI Center for Curation Science Discovers Coincidence
Left: Picasso Drawing Detail 1937     Right: Charm Quark Event Image 1974

The BHI Curation Science Center Director, S. MacDougall, made an astonishing discovery while tending to a routine cleaning of a prized but obscure Picasso drawing that was part of a series of sketches produced just prior to the famous 1937 'Guernica' painting.  The image on the left is a detail from the line drawing and the image to the right is an actual 1974 particle trajectory diagram that would later confirm the Baryon particle at the Brookhaven National Laboratory.  This is truly a case of Science imitating Art.  Could it be that Picasso possessed a Cosmic premonition of this proton bombardment pattern?  The Center is now re-examining other drawing samples to determine if there are more such striking examples of similitude.
'Guernica' wall mural illustrating embedded proton collision trace patterns
Scientists at the BHI Very Fast Proton Project suggested that there may be a coincidence or the drawings may be frauds.  In either event, the similarities are very compelling.

BHI Curation Gallery is open from 10 AM to 5 PM Monday-Friday.
Admission: $50 per person.

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013