Emeriti Exile: 338-348 CE

Emeriti Exile: 338-348 CE
Exile: 338-348 CE, Thassos, Greece

Thursday, January 29, 2015

53: Extended Care Auto Repair™

 Diagnostic data for you and your car: "Extended Care Auto Repair™"

Fig. 1: Electrode embedded undershirt with
wireless data transmission: EKG, CO2, Pulse, etc.
The Emeriti "Extended Care Auto Repair™" program provides personal biometric data for each driver in addition to mechanical and electrical automotive data required at annual auto inspection stations. Subscribers will receive a set of electrode embedded underwear and a specially configured riding helmet to be discretely worn during routine annual inspections.  The 2015 models transmit readings via wireless interface, thus eliminating the confusing array of connector cables that detracted from earlier models (See Figure 1).  Data includes: EKG, pulse, respiratory chemistry, epithelial saline, and other valuable data.  The protocol requires the driver to sit in the front seat during the auto inspection process (books on tape are provided along with the underwear).

Fig. 2: EEG Helmet with wireless transmission
EEG Helmet
A special electrode rich helmet provides an array of vital neurological readings that are transferred to an expanded dashboard light system, providing warnings to the driver in the form of illuminated icons indicated in Fig. 3.

Others include:
[CALL 911, STAT]

Fig. 3: New Extended Care dashboard symbol
showing diagnostic data output
Extended Care Auto Repair™ is available through a conventional Auto Insurance Policy Rider.  Remember, Auto Insurance is less expensive than Health Insurance.  All technicians are certified by the Broad Hill Institute Center for Advanced Biomechanics, where the academic motto is:

"Stay tuned my friends."

A Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2015

Friday, March 14, 2014

52: Circle the Date: 3/14

“The Circle may be unbroken, but it cannot be squared…” (Old Emeriti Mantra)

Transcendent Irrationality: Early Emeriti pavement design.
(Photo: Holger Motzkau, Wikipedia Commons)
"One can make a square into a circle, but not
the other way around."
(Illustration: Papeschr, Wikipedia Commons)
 The Emeriti have always admired π’s inherent irrationality and since 337 CE, they have incorporated the symbol in manuscript illuminations and in architectural designs.  The illustration shows π embedded in the pavement at the International Emeriti Headquarters courtyard in Zürich (posing as the Swiss National Museum for security purposes). Emeriti Transcendentalism emulates π.  The superannuated scholars are often seen walking in circles while repetitively murmuring, "3.14159," in a barely audible lilting cadence with the aim of ignoring important task that remain undone.

Early Transcendentalism
This early transcendent behavior is the hallmark of the Emeriti, who have been known to say, "A life without π is square."

There are many irrational numbers, but π is one of a relatively small number of values that are both irrational and transcendental.  In like fashion, the Emeriti transcend irrationality by focusing almost entirely on achieving Pension Enlargement, which requires the concept of an actual future.

Remember the significant words of Pythagorus, who once said: "It is difficult to get around without π."

A Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2014

Monday, February 24, 2014

51: BHI SPACIBO™ Tabs Placebos

BHI SPACIBO™ Tabs: Ibuprofen facsimile, (left); 
and Amoxicillin facsimile, (right).  
The Placebo effect has been employed by physicians since the dawn of civilization and includes compounds and rituals prescribed in Shamanistic cultures, ancient Greek medical practices, and in healing spas.  The word, “Placebo,” is of Latin origin, and literally means, "I shall please." Its antonym, “Nocebo” means, "I shall harm."  BHI Farmaceutical Laboratories™ has developed a powerful new line of concentrated placebo compounds that have been shown to provide longer lasting and clinically more effective outcomes in human trial runs.


“Spacibo” means, "I shall be thankful" (Russian, derived from Latin). Patients receiving the BHI SPACIBO™ tabs are thankful for the Gluten free, GMO free, organic nature of the concentrated compounds and for the enhanced effectiveness of outcomes without experiencing any Nocebo effects.  BHI is thankful for the added Pension Fund revenue.

Note to "Retraction Watch:" As per normal BHI publishing practices, these findings are pre-retracted to avoid embarrassing and protracted public correspondence.

A Product of the Emeriti Brotherhood ©2014

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

50: Solar Drink Fan

BHI Solar Powered Drink Fan™ for Evaporative Summer Cooling
BHI Solar Drink Fan™: (a.) Solar Collector,
(b.) Quiet Fan Unit, (c.) Universal Tumbler Clip

The BHI Solar Drink Fan™utilizes the power of evaporative cooling to bring relief during hot summertime days.  Users will enjoy the cooling breeze supplied by the powerful, yet compact solar powered clip-on fan that attaches to the rim of a typical Gin and Tonic or Ice Tea tumbler. Elemental Fire (Sun) supplies the power to evaporate the Water (Ice), resulting in Alchemical Cooling.

The small quiet fan unit generates a steady stream of air, and is equipped with a fine leeward mounted stainless steel screen mesh to prevent unsuspecting gnats and other small flying insects from being launched into the user's face.  The BHI Solar Drink Fan™ is the result of over a decade of applied research at the Leverett Dry Gin Distillery Research Lab in consultation with the adjacent BHI Center for Applied Solar Technology.

A Product of the Emeriti Brotherhood ©2013