Emeriti Exile: 338-348 CE

Emeriti Exile: 338-348 CE
Exile: 338-348 CE, Thassos, Greece

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

50: Solar Drink Fan

BHI Solar Powered Drink Fan™ for Evaporative Summer Cooling
BHI Solar Drink Fan™: (a.) Solar Collector,
(b.) Quiet Fan Unit, (c.) Universal Tumbler Clip

The BHI Solar Drink Fan™utilizes the power of evaporative cooling to bring relief during hot summertime days.  Users will enjoy the cooling breeze supplied by the powerful, yet compact solar powered clip-on fan that attaches to the rim of a typical Gin and Tonic or Ice Tea tumbler. Elemental Fire (Sun) supplies the power to evaporate the Water (Ice), resulting in Alchemical Cooling.

The small quiet fan unit generates a steady stream of air, and is equipped with a fine leeward mounted stainless steel screen mesh to prevent unsuspecting gnats and other small flying insects from being launched into the user's face.  The BHI Solar Drink Fan™ is the result of over a decade of applied research at the Leverett Dry Gin Distillery Research Lab in consultation with the adjacent BHI Center for Applied Solar Technology.

A Product of the Emeriti Brotherhood ©2013

Sunday, June 9, 2013

49: XE-80

XE-80™: Controls Dandruff Fallout and Discourages Cedar Sawdust Mites

XE-80™ in handy Flask Applicator 
LEVERETT--The BHI Cedar Sawdust Lab has developed the amazing compound, XE-80™(which is a step above WD-40).  It was originally formulated to discourage Cedar Sawdust Mite infestations but as a result of a minor Lab accident, it was discovered to be very effective in controlling the heart ache of Dandruff Fallout.
While moving a beaker of XE-80™ from the distilling apparatus to a shelf, Lab Director, Dr. Davis sloshed a bit of the liquid onto his scalp and discovered his chronic Dandruff Fallout symptoms disappeared within hours of the unintentional inoculation.   XE-80™ is available in a 4 ounce stainless steel flask equipped with a handy spray nozzle for easy one-handed application.  As an added bonus, XE-80™ may be applied to squeaky wheels and hinges at no extra cost.  Proceeds support the G-4 LC Luncheon Meeting Fund.

A product of the Emeriti Brotherhood ©2013

Sunday, April 28, 2013

48: 3 in One Pit Stop

Emeriti Brothers Pit Stop™: 3 in One Deodorant for Men

LEVERETT-- BHI Farmaceuticals has enhanced its popular "3 in One Deodorant for Men," containing Herbal extracts to absorb and deodorize without the use of brain dulling aluminum oxides and parabens.  It now contains Choline for enhancing memory function, and the patented Citrulline Watermelon extract to combat Erectile Dysfunction. Used daily, Emeriti Brothers Pit Stop™ simultaneously treats BO, ED, and Dementia when applied as directed.
Clinical test indicate no unusual side effects. The usual side effects may include shortness of breath, FHE and episodic non-specific mindfulness. This product is not recommended for men under 55 years of age and should be kept away from children and cats.

The American Council on BO, ED, and Dementia suggest that this product should be part of a conscientiously applied program of sound hygiene and regular bathing.

These findings have been Pre-retracted to avoid messy email exchanges with the renowned Retraction Watch.

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Sunday, April 14, 2013

47: BHI Residential Fast Reactor

Garden Scale Fast Reactor for Neighborhood Power and Heat
Residential Scale Personal Nuclear Power Plant

LEVERETT--  The BHI Center for "All of the Above" Power Options, has developed a compact  Sodium-Cooled Fast Reactor Unit to supply electrical power and surplus heat energy for use in residential settings. It is ideal for large estates or for congregate neighborhood applications. Units are available for 0.5 to 1 Megawatt output. The concrete containment chamber fits conveniently under standard 8' x 12' (2400mm x 3600mm) garden sheds.

Garden Shed Covers Concrete Nuclear Containment Vault
Garden sheds are available in a number of styles for discreet access to the Reactor Vault for annual inspection and repairs as required. The reactor unit is guaranteed to operate while the owner is still alive. Once installed, the unit will provide unlimited electrical and heat energy, with exceptions made for rare nuclear events and fuel rod replacement. Owners will be free of utility personnel snooping around the house looking for meters, and will never need to worry about monthly utility bills!
Be the first on your block to be radio active.

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

46: Pension Expansion Era

Emeriti Order and the Observable Pension Expansion Era
Pension Expansion Era began 1,676 years ago in 337 CE

It is now 13.8 billion years after the Big Bang (and counting), and during the last 1,676 years we have experienced the Observable Pension Expansion Era (OPEE). Since that fateful day in 337 CE (See above), the Emeriti Order has made significant contributions to the ongoing process of Pension Expansion, which is a central requirement of a Civil Society. Currently, Dark Energy Forces appear to be slowing the rate of Pension Expansion below the rate at which the Universe is expanding.

Pension Expansion Rate (Red Line) after 337 CE (diagram)
Note Significant Decrease in 1984 CE (Dark Energy Onset)
Source: BHI Center for Pension Enlargement Studies
The Pension Expansion Rate Deficit (PERD),  threatens to destabilize the Electro-Thermal Equilibrium, and Emeriti Scientists are developing new technologies to bring stability to this key aspect of the current Universe. The project is being pursued with a sense of urgency in light of the 1 to 5 billion year "Sunset Clause" that theoretically limits the viability of our Solar System.  Emeriti Space Scientists first observed the PERD phenomenon in 2003 CE and have subsequently charted the Pension Expansion history starting with Roman military practices up through the Post Industrial period, and found a drop off after 1984 CE (Randish Dark Energy Onset), and a significant decline after 2003 CE (See Diagram).  Both celestial and terrestrial factors are now being analyzed and a paper summarizing the findings is expected to be published in September of 2013 (After August Maine Vacation).  This is a timely subject for all inhabitants of the Universe, and Scientists at the BHI Center for Pension Enlargement Studies are striving to sustain Electro-Thermal Equilibrium and bring order to the Universe for the benefit of all kinds of humans and other organisms as well. "An unpensioned life is not worth living." (A. Schopenhauer, 1859)

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Monday, April 8, 2013

45: OK Spam

Emeriti Organic Kosher Spam™

Classic Emeriti OK Spam™: handy 12 oz tin serves 6
Emeriti Organic Kosher Spam™ provides your family and the entire world with the benefits of grass fed organic Kosher beef simmered in an ancient mixture of sea salt, spices, and herbs derived from those originally cultivated in King Solomon's garden; “Nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
 with every kind of incense tree,
 with myrrh and aloes,
 and all the finest spices…”
(Source: Song of Songs ).

Longevity is another great feature of Emeriti OK Spam™ (however, current products should be consumed prior to 2030).

Emeriti Enterprises, LLC ©2013

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

44: The Symbol and the Cymbal

Symbolic Convergence and Unified Theory
The Circumpunct: An Ancient Symbol Representing
the Sun or Creative Energy Across Many Cultures

Symbols are "unknowable and imprecise." (Karl Jung, Man and His Symbols, 1964)

"A Symbol is an energy evoking and directing agent." (Joseph Campbell, The Symbol Without Meaning)

The Circumpunct is a cross-cultural symbol that evokes the Sun or Creative Energy representing heat, power and light.  It is even more evocative when lost. [See Dan Brown's, The Lost Symbol].

Emeriti Forensic Archeologists often ask the question, "How does the mysteriously Symbolic become Cymbalic?" This study offers a possible answer.

The Cymbal: A Magical Alloy That Harbors Sonic
Enchantment, Which Evokes the Energy of Its Creation.

The word Cymbal is derived from the Latin, "cymbalum," a form of the Greek, "kumbalon," or "cymbal."  The Cymbal is forged alchemically with heat and tempered to create a magical alloy capable of producing sustained sonic resonance when struck with a stick or mallet.  The Cymbal embodies heat and creative energy and mimics the Circumpunctal form.

Ginger Baker and His Cymbals: Utilizing "Energy Evoking
And Directing Agency [Cream: 1966]

Ginger Baker represents "Man and His Cymbals," especially while playing with Cream from 1966 to 1968, (just two years after Jung's book).  His drumming and his Cymbals were "energy evoking and directing agents," (especially during extended drum solos), thus satisfying Campbell's definition.  Ergo: "A Circumpunct is a Symbol, is a Cymbal." (G. Stein).

Sources: Wikipedia/Commons (photos); Emeritipedia.

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

43: Fall Proof Gyro Wear™

BHI Solar Powered Fall Proof Nano Gyro Wear™
Black Fall Proof Nano Gyro Overalls™ for Formal Events

The BHI Center for Industrial Clothing Design has developed a new line of safe industrial Overalls and associated Lab clothing utilizing an improved version of the famous BHI Current Fabric™.  The new fabric contains synchronous nano gyroscopic technology that sustains vertical alignment of conductive nano fiber filaments, making it impossible for the wearer to fall down on the job, even when sleeping.  Power is supplied by photovoltaic threads woven into the clothing fabric, backed up by batteries.  BHI Fall Proof Overalls™ provide a valuable measure of safety for Distillery workers and standing armies. (On/Off switch is discreetly located in side pocket when bending is required).

Air Bag Vest™ cushions falls if rechargeable battery pack
fails.  It powers devices such as iPods and Pacemakers
The Solar Powered Air Bag Vest provides additional safety during a power failure incident and is equipped with velocity sensors that deploy air bags to cushion landings in emergency situations.  It contains a rechargeable battery, employs Nano Fiber Gyro Technology™ and is a natural companion to Fall Proof Nano Gyro Overalls™.

Fall Proof Nano Gyro Overalls™
Black, Tan, Olive: S, M, L, XL $855.95

Solar Powered Air Bag Vest™
Gray Suede: S, M, L, XL
$1,259.95 now only $1,000.00

Products of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Monday, April 1, 2013

42: Big Bang Holiday

April 1st Marks the Bing Bang Moment and Examines the Uncommon Era Before Time (UE)
XDF image: Universe 450 Million Years After Big Bang
Diagram: Expansion of Universe after the Big Bang Moment
(Note: The Moment before time or the "Uncommon Era," UE) 
LEVERETT—April 1st. The Emeriti Space Science Lab (in collaboration with NASA), has developed a composite image showing some galaxies that are at least “13.2 billion years old,” or just “550 million years* (+/-)” after the Big Bang event that marked the beginning of time.  The Hubble telescope captured the Extreme Deep Field image (XDF).  Emeriti Space Scientists working in the BHI Space Module (See Copernicus Post), have been exploring MXDF (More Extreme Deep Field) images of the moments before time began, referred to as the Uncommon Era or "UE" to mark the moments if they are ever observed.  It is theorized that the Uncommon Era may be the source of strange ideas that seem to persist in the minds of modern humans; They are classified as: “Strange, Very Strange and Extremely Strange Ideas” (SI, VSI, ESI). The currently uncharted Uncommon Era may contain the seeds of modern Social Psychology and Congressional Oversight Hearings (used to hear complaints about lack of Oversight).

April 1st is the most important Holiday in the Emeriti Year, (the second being the VernalEquinox).  It commemorates the Big Bang Moment that began the 13.8 billion* year march toward providing Pensions for superannuated scholars and it also represents the beginning of Particle Science Developmental Social Psychology as a field of study, at least for the Emeriti.  (*Recently revised figure).

Sources: Emeritipedia, VOA, NASA, and Charting the Uncommon Era, EPI ©2009

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

41: Aaron Rockchild's Roots

Mason's Bench Stone in Aaron Rockchild's Zurich Garden
 "Kingsbridge, England 1174-- Dr. Webb tracked the group of Emeriti who migrated west from Thassos and entered the fictional 12th Century town of Kingsbridge in Ken Follet's novel, Pillars of the Earth. After studying the Emeriti Archives it appeared that Aaron Rockchild may in fact be a descendant of Merthin, (an architect and builder in the sequel novel, World Without End, and a descendant of Jack Builder and Lady Aliena, his forbearers in 'Pillars).  His family roots may account for his affinity for stones and stone masonry as evidenced by the large stone in his garden.

Wells Cathedral, a model for Follet's Kingsbridge Cathedral
The primary Emeriti goal was to establish pensions for scholars and it is speculated that sums of money were given to the King to help finance both Cambridge and Oxford, thus setting into motion a means to achieve their goal. Sara was fascinated by such a novel family history, which might explain how Aaron, who attended public school, was allowed to enter Cambridge to study Social History and Mathematics............"

Source: Emeriti Archives and Wikipedia Commons (images).

Excerpt from Chapter 4: The Brotherhood of the Emeriti and the Fifth Element, EPI ©2013

Thursday, March 28, 2013

40: Wireless Karma Router

BHI Lab Modifies Wireless Router to Enable Karma Transmissions
Modified High Speed Router (Wikipedia Commons)

LEVERETT-- The BHI Center for Advanced Communication Research™ has designed a proprietary circuit board that enables high speed wireless transmission of Good Karma.  The BHI Wireless Karma Router™ advances Noetic Science by allowing Karmic transmissions over the internet, thus obviating the need to embed capital letters and strange emoticons into standard emails.

Recent demonstration transmissions between New England and Nova Scotia have substantiated the underlying science and have produced favorable outcomes to date. According to BHI Director, Dr. Davis, "Testing is needed to further substantiate efficacy of the new protocol, which consists of executing a Hora dance around a Wireless Karma Router™ while chanting a proprietary case sensitive Mantra.  Testing will continue in the coming months and a summary paper will be published in PHIALA INANIS, the official science journal of the Emeriti Order.  Case specific Mantras and Hora Dance Step Diagrams will accompany each BHI Wireless Karma Router™.

Source: BHI Manual of Karmic Fiber Optics, EPI, © 2012

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

39: BHI Cedar Sawdust Cookies™

High Fiber Cedar Sawdust Cookies With BHI Anti-Microbial Farmaceuticals™
Cedar Sawdust High Fiber Cookies with Juniper Berry Oils
LEVERETT-- BHI Farmaceuticals™ has developed a Cedar Sawdust Cookie™ that provides a healthy dose of fiber to sustain lower GI tract health along with benefits of Anti-Oxidant and Anti-Fungal properties obtained from combining prescription grade BHI Juniper Berry Farmaceutical Oils™.  The extracted flavinoid anti-oxidants produce anti-fungal effects and exhibit "good activity against Candida albicans and Staphylococcus aureus."
Fresh BHI Farmaceuticals™ High Potency Juniper Berries

Solar Green Gin™ Ethanol is employed to extract oil from BHI Farmaceutical Farms™ Juniper berries, due to the Cookie Lab's proximity to the Green Gin Distillery™.  The ethanol residue proved non-toxic to test mice, and Lab workers reported no ill effects during daily 5 PM focus group sessions.  Daily consumption of BHI Cedar Sawdust Cookies™ provides sufficient non-soluable fiber to maintain regularity, and serves to resist bronchitis, colds, fungal infections, hemorrhoids and termites.

Note to Retraction Watch: BHI findings are Pre-Retracted to conserve time and effort.
Side Effects: May cause slurred speech. Results may vary.  Talk to your Doctor and close friends.

Sources: Emeritipedia, Wikipedia Commons, Live Strong Foundation, and Secrets of the Juniper Berry, EPI ©2009

A Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

38: BHI Petrified Sawdust Stones

BHI Alchemists Convert Sawdust Into Petrified Building Stones
Typical Cedar Sawdust Delivery at the BHI Sawdust Pile
The Garden Raised Beds™ operation in Chatham delivers an enormous amount of white cedar sawdust directly to the BHI Sawdust Recycling Center in Leverett.  Although the BHI Cellulosic Biofuels™Lab uses large quantities, the sawdust continues to accumulate.  BHI Alchemists viewed the Cedar Sawdust pile as an opportunity to transmute sawdust into building stone that resembles native Goshen Stone (mica schist), by employing a proprietary petrification process.
BHI Petrified Cedar Sawdust Stone Resembling Mica Schist

BHI Sawdust Schist™
BHI Alchemists employed mineralized water, sodium silicate and a diluted acid to transform sawdust particles into a stone like substance by compressing the mixture into various stone form trays. The results yielded a building product that resembles mica schist as indicated in the test wall photo. Now, instead of waiting 400 million years for new stone, wall builders can call the Leverett BHI Sawdust Schist™ fulfillment  center.

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Monday, March 25, 2013

37: AM/PM Solar Farms

Solar Dairy Farm: Milk in the Morning, Electrons at Night
Typical Single Purpose Dairy Farms Found Around the World (Wikipedia)

LEVERETT-- BHI Center for Advanced Agricultural Research and Applied Solar Technology has developed a prototypical AM/PM Solar Dairy Farm™ that has successfully combined the production of milk and charged lithium batteries for urban and suburban market applications.

Solar Collectors Share the Meadows
Solar Collectors have been installed in peripheral meadows at the BHI Dairy Farm Test Fields and the understory grasses are maintained by the BHI Goat Herd.  The Goat milk is used to craft Genuine New England Feta Cheese, which is delivered along with AM Milk orders using a fleet of BHI Hydrogen Fuel Cell powered delivery vans.

AM Milk Delivered in Handy Crate from HBS Direct/UK.
Fresh Milk Delivered in the AM
Iced Bottles of fresh BHI Solar Farms Milk™ are delivered daily in the early AM, thus reviving a time honored tradition of home delivery.  Products include Milk, Cream, Sour Cream, Yogurt, and Cheeses made from both Cow and Goat Milk.  Fresh Strawberries are included as a special bonus in early June.

Solar Panels Charge Batteries
While Dairy Cattle graze all day to produce milk, Solar Panels charge Lithium Batteries for PM delivery in exchange for empty milk bottles.  Excess electricity is used to power the BHI Solar Green Gin Distillery.

Charged Lithium Battery Pack Ready for PM Delivery

PM Power for Solar Homes
24 to 60 Volt Battery Packs are available. Special arrangements may be made to tow away Electric Cars for charging for an extra nominal fee.  The car is delivered the next day in the early AM along with the dairy order.  For homes not equipped with Super Firefly Panels™, BHI combines the power of Photosynthesis and Photovoltaic processes to provide protein for our bodies and electrons for our appliances and electronic paraphernalia in one integrated operation that serves as a model of enlightened Disenlightenment.

Products of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Friday, March 22, 2013

36: Staff Meeting PTSD

Staff Saver™ Helmets
Model PH-A: Light Duty Retreat Hat

The BHI Neurotrauma Science Lab has designed and tested protective Staff Saver™ Helmets to guard against inadvertent self-inflicted neural insult trauma resulting from palm to forehead collisions when people say silly things in staff meetings.
PH-A Staff Saver™ I Model: provides gentle inconspicuous protection during program retreats typically set in casual surroundings.  The brim prevents forehead contact with tables and walls, while interior padding lessens shock trauma. Blue, Dark Green, Black, and Putty: $150 each.
Model PH-B: Medium Duty
Curriculum Review Meetings

PH-B Staff Saver™ II Model: provides a higher degree of protection required of Curriculum meetings or reappointment reviews.  The Uni-sex design features a discreet brim that guards against table, wall or palm impacts and is equipped with air vents for comfort.  It incorporates significant frontal lobe protection. Navy/Black and Black/Tan: $250 each.

Scientists at the BHI Neurotrauma Science Testing Lab assess multi-positional blunt force outcomes to ensure proper protection for all Staff Saver™ products, at various levels of force.  All Staff Saver™helmets have been field-tested and provide a 10-year warranty.  (Does not apply to the untenured).

Model PH-D: Maximum Duty for
University Reorganization Meetings
PH-D Staff Saver™ Max III Model: provides maximum protection required for rigorous reactionary academic meetings that typically push participants to numerous mind numbing brinks.  This exceptional helmet is equipped with its own oxygen supply and features surround sound speakers and an iPod connection port.  The helmet affords maximum protection from both self-inflicted and externally inflicted compressive insults that might prove damaging to the cerebral cortex.  Unisex Black (for evening wear): $1,850 each.

Products of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

Thursday, March 21, 2013

35: Masons of Kingsbridge

Sara Tracks Aaron's Emeriti Roots: The 12th Century Stone Masons of Kingsbridge England
Rock Transformation: From Stone to a Wall for the Ages
"The stonemasons were about to begin their mid-day break, leaving their tools amongst the flat split wall stones.  Aaron had been watching the stonemasons work while waiting for Dr. Webb to arrive for a luncheon meeting in the outdoor restaurant next door.  He remembered that as a child, he would watch intently as stonemasons manipulated rock piles to select the best stones for fitting into a wall they were building and today was no different.  He had been finding excuses to frequently check on the construction progress of a new children’s park along the eastern edge of Lake Zurich.  Sara was completing her review of Emeriti records at the International Headquarters and requested this meeting to discuss additional findings.  Although he served as Chief Archivist at the International Headquarters, he was haunted by his fascination with stone and the work of stone masons.

Sara finally arrived and apologized for being tardy, but before he could say a word, she asked, "Aaron, do you know the origin of the Rockchild name?"  (See "Living Among the Elements" Post)

Excerpt from The Brotherhood of the Emeriti and the Fifth Element, EPI ©2013

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

34: Emeriti Equinox Rites

Vernal Equinox: The start of warmer and longer days.
Photo Credit: James Jordan / Foter.com / CC BY-ND
Prelude To A Well Balanced Vernal Equinox Ritual Meal
Photo: Encyclopedia.com

 The Vernal Equinox remains one of the two most significant Astronomical events in the Emeriti Calendar; the other being the Big Bang.  The Vernal Equinox is held in higher esteem than the Autumnal Equinox because it begins the season of longer days and solar warmth.  The Emeriti reasoned, “Why would one enthusiastically toast the advent of shorter days leading to another dark winter of discontent and frostbite?” During their 10-year exile on Thassos (338-348 CE), the Emeriti made burnt offerings and balanced eggs on the Equinox.  They believed in eating burnt toast as part of a well-balanced meal to mark this special occasion.  To this day, children around the world continue the rite of balancing eggs on the Equinox in the manner of the Emeriti.  The Big Bang is toasted on April 1st to mark the moment when the Big Bang got things moving and the Universe cooled down from 10,000 million degrees to a more manageable 1000 million degrees immediately after the magic moment when time as we know it, began.

A Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013