18: Aether and the Fifth Element

“The initial meeting two days ago with Aaron at the Emeriti National Headquarters (posing as the Swiss National Museum), went exceedingly well.  Sara reviewed Emeriti financial records, historical chronologies and relationships with significant political, spiritual, and intellectual figures within diverse disciplines, but focused on the financial records.  She was particularly interested in piecing together the overall scheme developed by the early Emeriti to create a number of discrete revenue streams that would merge into what is now known as the Emeriti Central Pension Fund, or ECPF.  The fund grew at a slow pace during the early years because compound interest was frowned upon at the time.  However, during the late 17^th Century, early banking attracted the attention of the Emeriti, whose prime directive was to facilitate Pension Enlargement.  However, one need not possess a PhD in Forensic Accounting as did Sara, to recognize how inflation would erode any optimistic expectations of asset growth through compound interest instruments offered by Banks, then or now. 

 [See our friends at: http://lawandthemultiverse.com for more insight into the Emeriti plight].

As she sat pouring over her notes in a café at the edge of the Limmat River as it flowed briskly northward from Lake Zurich in the early June afternoon sunlight, she began to ponder the significance of the early writings that focused upon Pensions, Water, Air, Earth and Fire.  Could there be a connection between the four Emeriti elements and their concept of what we now call “recurring revenue,” or “cash flow?”  The inventions and products produced and sold by the Emeriti were certainly defined by categories such as stone, water, sun and fire, or wind.  The Greeks had a fifth element that they called “aether” or “ether,” referring to the unchanging cosmos or atmosphere breathed by the Gods on Olympus.  Perhaps the concept of an unshakable Pension was derived from such early ideas………………….”

Excerpt from Chapter 3: The Brotherhood of the Emeriti and the Fifth Element, EPI ©2013

17: Emeriti Big Golf™

Emeriti Big Golf™ presents a real-scale challenge to adventurous mini-golfers who have begun to experience symptoms of "Miniature Golf Ennui."  When the thrill is gone, it is difficult to suspend disbelief whilst surrounded by miniature artifacts.

Emeriti Big Golf™ offers a 9 to 18 hole gauntlet of full sized working Windmills and Draw Bridges that span real Moats containing real Alligators.  Each course also includes  working Pendulum Clocks, Swinging Axes, and many more stimulating features, such as active Polo fields.

For reasons of safety, all players must possess Advanced Miniature Golf Certification to gain access to any Emeriti Big Golf™ facility (Certificates may be purchased at the entrance gate).  Protective head gear and body armor may be rented at the Hospitality Center in the Emergency Care Clinic.

Emeriti Big Golf™ is a subsidiary of Emeriti 9 Hole/ 9 Hole Golf™ ©2013

16: Emeriti 9 Hole/ 9 Hole Golf™

Origin of the Game: February 26, 1297
Golf aficionados dispute the actual origin of the game that we call Golf.  Hitting a ball with a stick over the ground with the aim of depositing the ball into a hole using the fewest number of strokes, is claimed by Dutch sports historians to have originated on February 26th, 1297 in Loenen san de Vecht.  Sports historians in Scotland claim the game was invented by Scottish stick swingers in 1457.  However, neither side admits that it was the Emeriti Brotherhood that is responsible for spreading the game to both Scotland and the Netherlands.  The nomadic Emeriti actually learned the game from Mongol traders who witnessed it being played in China many years before it appeared in Europe.  Since my neighbor, Hans, is from the Netherlands, and today is February 26th, I will go with the Dutch origin story. [Source: Emeriti History of Golf, EPI ©1961; Wikipedia, 2013]

 Typical 9 Hole/ 9 Hole Golf Layout with 9 restrooms, conveyor belts, and Emeriti Auto Swing™ Chairs

Each 9 Hole/ 9 Hole Golf™ facility features covered pedestrian conveyor belts to move the golf game along, allowing fairway access at 200' (61m) intervals, and a toilet at each Tee.  Special patented solar powered wheel chairs and golf carts equipped with Emeriti Auto-Swing™ Technology are available at the Rental Office.  Selected courses may include Emeriti "Have a Heart Concave Greens™" to foster enthusiasm.  Emeriti Golf™ ©2013

15: Forthcoming Emeriti Publications

                            A YEAR OF DELUSIONAL THINKING 
                                                                  
                                         By the Editors of 'PHIALA INANIS'
                                        Official Journal of the Emeriti Order
                                     

Empty Vessel

                                        Published by Emeriti Press International 
                                                 New York, London, Leverett
                                                              April 2013©.

                        “A profoundly useful window into what is left of the Emeriti mind.”

                                       (Journal of the American Psychiatric Association)

                                           “Compelling insight into the Emeriti Way.”

                                                                   (Fortune)

    Downsized Books for Downsized Libraries 

Leather Bound Cliff Notes™ Series

Introducing the exclusive Leather Bound Emeriti Cliff Notes™ Series, offered by Emeriti Press International. Each Classic Cliff Notes™ volume features a fine tooled red leather cover embossed with gold titles and personalized with the owner's name.  Save time and space; volumes that once required meters of shelf space can be condensed into a small cabinet suitable for downsized living arrangements.  In recognition of certain actuarial limitations, books may be read in a fraction of the time required for the original works.

All of the great Russian novels are now available for your abbreviated reading pleasure.  

Order now to start consolidating what is left of your literary life.  Personalized works will ship on April 1, 2014.

[Exclusive binding by Praxis Bookbindery]

Products of the Emeriti Brotherhood ©2013

      Emeriti Handbook of Land Use Planning

           Davis, Dines, Gross and MacDougall, Editors

"Masterful exposition on the complexities of Land Use Planning in the 21st, or during the last three Centuries, for that matter."  Hedley Swan, American Planning Association

Chapter 1.  The Illusion of Utility and the Disorganizing Effects of Imposed Order

Chapter 2.  It’s the Greenway or the Highway: Take Your Pick

Chapter 3.  Determining a Cultural Ethos Through Soil Analysis

Chapter 4.  Core Borings and Social Values:  The Case for Holistic Planning

Chapter 5.  A Working Environment: Random Chance vs. Linear Modeling

Chapter 6.  Sewage and Disease as a Self-Limiting Factor in Controlling Sprawl

Chapter 7.  Is Consumerism a Retrovirus of the Right Pre Frontal Cortex?

Chapter 8.  The Side Effects of Placing Humans in Little Metal Capsules with Wheels

Chapter 9.  The True Costs of Cost-Benefit Analysis: The Poverty of Cost Cutting

Emeriti Press International, New York, London, Leverett ©2013  $250, (where available)