51: BHI SPACIBO™ Tabs Placebos

BHI SPACIBO™ Tabs: Ibuprofen facsimile, (left); 

and Amoxicillin facsimile, (right).  

The Placebo effect has been employed by physicians since the dawn of civilization and includes compounds and rituals prescribed in Shamanistic cultures, ancient Greek medical practices, and in healing spas.  The word, “Placebo,” is of Latin origin, and literally means, "I shall please." Its antonym, “Nocebo” means, "I shall harm."  BHI Farmaceutical Laboratories™ has developed a powerful new line of concentrated placebo compounds that have been shown to provide longer lasting and clinically more effective outcomes in human trial runs.

BHI SPACIBO™ Tabs

“Spacibo” means, "I shall be thankful" (Russian, derived from Latin). Patients receiving the BHI SPACIBO™ tabs are thankful for the Gluten free, GMO free, organic nature of the concentrated compounds and for the enhanced effectiveness of outcomes without experiencing any Nocebo effects.  BHI is thankful for the added Pension Fund revenue.

Note to "Retraction Watch:" As per normal BHI publishing practices, these findings are pre-retracted to avoid embarrassing and protracted public correspondence.

A Product of the Emeriti Brotherhood ©2014

50: Solar Drink Fan

BHI Solar Powered Drink Fan™ for Evaporative Summer Cooling

BHI Solar Drink Fan™: (a.) Solar Collector,
(b.) Quiet Fan Unit, (c.) Universal Tumbler Clip

The BHI Solar Drink Fan™utilizes the power of evaporative cooling to bring relief during hot summertime days.  Users will enjoy the cooling breeze supplied by the powerful, yet compact solar powered clip-on fan that attaches to the rim of a typical Gin and Tonic or Ice Tea tumbler. Elemental Fire (Sun) supplies the power to evaporate the Water (Ice), resulting in Alchemical Cooling.

The small quiet fan unit generates a steady stream of air, and is equipped with a fine leeward mounted stainless steel screen mesh to prevent unsuspecting gnats and other small flying insects from being launched into the user's face.  The BHI Solar Drink Fan™ is the result of over a decade of applied research at the Leverett Dry Gin Distillery Research Lab in consultation with the adjacent BHI Center for Applied Solar Technology.

A Product of the Emeriti Brotherhood ©2013

49: XE-80

XE-80™: Controls Dandruff Fallout and Discourages Cedar Sawdust Mites

XE-80™ in handy Flask Applicator 

LEVERETT--The BHI Cedar Sawdust Lab has developed the amazing compound, XE-80™(which is a step above WD-40).  It was originally formulated to discourage Cedar Sawdust Mite infestations but as a result of a minor Lab accident, it was discovered to be very effective in controlling the heart ache of Dandruff Fallout.
While moving a beaker of XE-80™ from the distilling apparatus to a shelf, Lab Director, Dr. Davis sloshed a bit of the liquid onto his scalp and discovered his chronic Dandruff Fallout symptoms disappeared within hours of the unintentional inoculation.   XE-80™ is available in a 4 ounce stainless steel flask equipped with a handy spray nozzle for easy one-handed application.  As an added bonus, XE-80™ may be applied to squeaky wheels and hinges at no extra cost.  Proceeds support the G-4 LC Luncheon Meeting Fund.

A product of the Emeriti Brotherhood ©2013

48: 3 in One Pit Stop

Emeriti Brothers Pit Stop™: 3 in One Deodorant for Men

LEVERETT-- BHI Farmaceuticals has enhanced its popular "3 in One Deodorant for Men," containing Herbal extracts to absorb and deodorize without the use of brain dulling aluminum oxides and parabens.  It now contains Choline for enhancing memory function, and the patented Citrulline Watermelon extract to combat Erectile Dysfunction. Used daily, Emeriti Brothers Pit Stop™ simultaneously treats BO, ED, and Dementia when applied as directed.
Clinical test indicate no unusual side effects. The usual side effects may include shortness of breath, FHE and episodic non-specific mindfulness. This product is not recommended for men under 55 years of age and should be kept away from children and cats.

The American Council on BO, ED, and Dementia suggest that this product should be part of a conscientiously applied program of sound hygiene and regular bathing.

These findings have been Pre-retracted to avoid messy email exchanges with the renowned Retraction Watch.

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

47: BHI Residential Fast Reactor

Garden Scale Fast Reactor for Neighborhood Power and Heat

Residential Scale Personal Nuclear Power Plant

LEVERETT--  The BHI Center for "All of the Above" Power Options, has developed a compact  Sodium-Cooled Fast Reactor Unit to supply electrical power and surplus heat energy for use in residential settings. It is ideal for large estates or for congregate neighborhood applications. Units are available for 0.5 to 1 Megawatt output. The concrete containment chamber fits conveniently under standard 8' x 12' (2400mm x 3600mm) garden sheds.

Garden Shed Covers Concrete Nuclear Containment Vault

Garden sheds are available in a number of styles for discreet access to the Reactor Vault for annual inspection and repairs as required. The reactor unit is guaranteed to operate while the owner is still alive. Once installed, the unit will provide unlimited electrical and heat energy, with exceptions made for rare nuclear events and fuel rod replacement. Owners will be free of utility personnel snooping around the house looking for meters, and will never need to worry about monthly utility bills!
Be the first on your block to be radio active.

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

46: Pension Expansion Era

Emeriti Order and the Observable Pension Expansion Era

Pension Expansion Era began 1,676 years ago in 337 CE

It is now 13.8 billion years after the Big Bang (and counting), and during the last 1,676 years we have experienced the Observable Pension Expansion Era (OPEE). Since that fateful day in 337 CE (See above), the Emeriti Order has made significant contributions to the ongoing process of Pension Expansion, which is a central requirement of a Civil Society. Currently, Dark Energy Forces appear to be slowing the rate of Pension Expansion below the rate at which the Universe is expanding.

Pension Expansion Rate (Red Line) after 337 CE (diagram)
Note Significant Decrease in 1984 CE (Dark Energy Onset)
Source: BHI Center for Pension Enlargement Studies

The Pension Expansion Rate Deficit (PERD),  threatens to destabilize the Electro-Thermal Equilibrium, and Emeriti Scientists are developing new technologies to bring stability to this key aspect of the current Universe. The project is being pursued with a sense of urgency in light of the 1 to 5 billion year "Sunset Clause" that theoretically limits the viability of our Solar System.  Emeriti Space Scientists first observed the PERD phenomenon in 2003 CE and have subsequently charted the Pension Expansion history starting with Roman military practices up through the Post Industrial period, and found a drop off after 1984 CE (Randish Dark Energy Onset), and a significant decline after 2003 CE (See Diagram).  Both celestial and terrestrial factors are now being analyzed and a paper summarizing the findings is expected to be published in September of 2013 (After August Maine Vacation).  This is a timely subject for all inhabitants of the Universe, and Scientists at the BHI Center for Pension Enlargement Studies are striving to sustain Electro-Thermal Equilibrium and bring order to the Universe for the benefit of all kinds of humans and other organisms as well. "An unpensioned life is not worth living." (A. Schopenhauer, 1859)

Product of the Brotherhood of the Emeriti ©2013

45: OK Spam

Emeriti Organic Kosher Spam™

Classic Emeriti OK Spam™: handy 12 oz tin serves 6

Emeriti Organic Kosher Spam™ provides your family and the entire world with the benefits of grass fed organic Kosher beef simmered in an ancient mixture of sea salt, spices, and herbs derived from those originally cultivated in King Solomon's garden; “Nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
 with every kind of incense tree,
 with myrrh and aloes,
 and all the finest spices…”
(Source: Song of Songs ).

Longevity is another great feature of Emeriti OK Spam™ (however, current products should be consumed prior to 2030).

Emeriti Enterprises, LLC ©2013