Nominal Pharmaceutical™ Labs offers the following drug
names to drug companies, which have been taken over by hedge funds that have no
pharmaceutical knowledge and little interest in the biomedical basis of
particular compound formulations or therapeutic outcomes, and whose only aim is
marketing for short term profits. Thus, the concept of a drug name that
requires a drug to be attached to it for marketing purposes is born!
Interested
investors may participate at the rate of $250,000 per Nominal Pharmaceutical™
drug name described in the product listing below. Initial drug prices will
increase 1000% per year until the point of refusal is reached or the CEO is
arrested and jailed, which ever comes first. Investor dividends will be paid
before any bail money is made available to a particular CEO as per the “Due
Diligence” and the “Sanity” clauses contained in the Purchase Agreement, (See attached prospectus).
LUXURIA™:
This has many possibilities in the exclusive high-end market aimed at
generating a sense of well-being regardless of how well one's endocrine system is
currently functioning. The side effects are complex and very exclusive.
PEUKITOL™: A purgative to stimulate strategic vomiting
when simple retching fails to convey the proper message or emotion in
asymmetric social or cultural settings. Side effects may include feelings of
vindication and may require dry cleaning or new apparel.
TRICTOSA™: A highly effective placebo with no side effects, except for the illusion of wellbeing. The compound is derived from organically farmed plant based derivatives at a fair trade worker cooperative.
REGENICA™: A highly effective axon function restoration drug that features the proprietary compound, "Choline D-3" (a form of Choline acetyltransferase).
Side effects may include episodic memory spasms that serve no purpose.
ELASTICA™: Yoga in a pill! Side effects include involuntary odd poses at inappropriate times (a form of myological Turret's syndrome).
LUBRICIA™: Useful in the restoration of joint and ligament function in elderly patients by promoting the production of hydrophilic proteins. May lead to circulatory system stress during prolonged involuntary running episodes.
Note to Retraction Watch: As per agreement, efficacy and side effect claims have been pre-retracted to save time and money that is required to market the list.
A Product of the Emeriti Brotherhood ©2018
